I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize