I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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