They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize