Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
