i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
