watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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