I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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