She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
