I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
