Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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