Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
