Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
