we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
