u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
