im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
