i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
