the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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