he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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