my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
