My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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