I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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