is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
