I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
