also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
