There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
