yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
