its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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