i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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