I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Randomize
