You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
