yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
