Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
