he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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