What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
