you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
