Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I want a musical about memes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
