Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
