Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
