I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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