i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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