how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize