we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
