Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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