he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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