'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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