She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
