my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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