I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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