I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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