If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize