This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
