And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
