dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
