Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
