I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
