I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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