You can't special order awesome
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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