If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
