...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
