NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
