I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
