Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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