the new term for farting is butt boxing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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