i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
