I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
