just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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