I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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