ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
