Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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