Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
