Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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