i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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